All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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