I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
