You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
