remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
