I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
