Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
