No awkward lesbian experiences without me
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize