My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Holy sore nipples Batman
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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