We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Everclear isn't food dammit
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
