windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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