she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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