Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
