So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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