he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
