I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
