i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
