Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
