the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
