Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
