Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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