Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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