I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
