I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
