I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
