Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
