In the future we'll all be gay
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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