It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
