i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
