so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
