I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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