i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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