he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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