Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
