Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
