She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
