I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
im having a threesome with these popsicles
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
