Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
