I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
