I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
