no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
