Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
