And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
We have started to decorate penises.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
