I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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