if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize
