I like to think it a success when the cops are called
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
