Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
