At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
