You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
