i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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