he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Randomize
