the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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