He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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