Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
