I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
