Old men and throwing up are my life now.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Randomize
