My friends, they love my intelligence
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
