I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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