Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
