Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
