Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Welp...herpes.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Randomize
