I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
