First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
