i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
