someone get that fucking seahorse.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
