ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
