I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
She even gives head with a lisp.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I have peed in a lot of sinks
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
