Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I looked at my own cervix.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
