Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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