Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
