are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
