Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
