You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Randomize