I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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