I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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